Petrichor

Petrichor (/ˈpɛtrɨkɔər/) is the scent of rain on dry earth, or the scent of dust after rain. The word is constructed from Greekpetros, meaning stone + ichor, the fluid that flows in the veins of the gods in Greek mythology. It is defined as “the distinctive scent which accompanies the first rain after a long warm dry spell”

She saw a little confusion in his eyes. Blinked with nothing but questions.

She did not mind it at all. She knew what was in his mind, but she said nothing. She stared at the trees waving behind him. She was sick, sick and fed up. She was disgusted; of the silence, of herself, and of him.

It’d been enough for her hearing all gossips out there about them, but what ate her a lot was not that. It was him. He and his secrets. All secrets locked in the coffin that he kept carefully under his tongue.

“Want to say something, eh?” he asked. “It’s you idiot!” she whispered in her mind, “it’s you that should say something.”

Then in a way that he came to her life, softly and quietly, she left him.

***

It’s been more than a week that she gave him a silent treatment, and it killed him. He frowned all day long, he checked his phone screen twice a minute just in case she would reply his message. Even only in a word, it would be a relieve.

He sat in his room with swamped eyes and red cheeks. No, he was not slapped by anyone. It’s just a red mark that he gained after a long day of sleep. All worries, confusion, and fear about her has pushed him to his kind of revenge: sleep. Thoughts about her were successfully dozed him off. He sleeps a lot, he always sleeps a lot. That’s why she called him sleepyhead.

“hey are you asleep?” he recalled a chat with her one night

“hmm.. okay I take that as a yes” she sent the message after five minutes he didn’t give reply.

“good night, sleepyhead”

Sleepyhead. How he missed that name. They can’t be like this anymore, he thought. He had to do something.

***

I know that you think they have a usual relationship fight, started from a small thing that leads to cold war. But it was not the case. I will tell you now. They are no couple.

It tickles me sometimes that human can be as stupid as that, they over think before something happens. They prefer to live in an uncertain condition rather than to hear a truth, because they are afraid that it would hurt them. It maybe will sweetly punch them right on their rib cage, but at least it does not slice their skin little by little. Like doubt had done to them.

This little girl and little boy have the same problem. They knew what they feel inside but they prefer to keep it calm before it may cost them pain. They felt my presence, but they buried me deep, until all my body covered with secrets. That disgusting secrets.

Don’t think I was not doing anything to make them realize and stop refuse to acknowledge me. I am not that lazy. I had flown some little butterflies inside the boy’s stomach everytime she smiles. I had set the red on the girl’s cheeks whenever their eyes met. I had whispered her name everytime he falls asleep (in countless time because he sleeps a lot). I had made her set a new nickname for him. I presented myself through the words that ran through their mouths and fingers; through every “good night”s, every “sleep well”, every “sweet dream”, every “be careful”, every “just kidding”, every “don’t be worry”, every “are you asleep?”, even every “hi” they said.

Don’t you see? I was tired.

I was tired hiding behind their eyeballs. I wanted to be real. I wanted to be embraced. I wanted to be truly exist between them, and I think I expected too much.

***

It’s my fault that I set the girl’s heart on rage when she knew the truth about him. But I did not regret it. It made him thought about them a lot and pushed him to finally ask her to have a talk with her that afternoon.

A cold breeze shivered me. I hate cold, though I know that it is impossible for me to hate something. But I don’t like cold.

We shared the same smell, the smell of upcoming rain, smell of cloud. They sat in silent and I watched them as if I were their parents. I stood behind the boy. After five minutes no one said nothing, I screamed. My voice was transferred through their heads and there it went… the girl finally said something.

“What do you want to say?”

I grabbed the boy’s hand and moved it forward, I wanted him to hold her hand. But his hand stayed as still as a rock. He rejected my command.

“I knew that you liked me…” the boy said

The girl’s face lifted and she was alarmed. “What?” she muttered

“Remember when you left your laptop with me? When you were gone, I…I was so curious and I looked at your files”

She gulped. A big and noisy gulped that a human can make.

“I saw my photos in your hidden folder… You saved my photos, didn’t you?”

She instantly wrapped her face with hands. She was so embarrassed. “Now he knew everything… damn it” I heard her mind yelled at me.

“I…I just want to say something about it… I…I am sorry”

“Sorry for what?” she yelled. Now, in a real voice.

“I am thinking that… we…we are just friends”

My mouth was opened. So did hers.

She fold her palms hardly. She was full with anger, anger and shame, and it’s all because of me. “Jerk!” she shouted at me in her mind “I told you what! You jerk!”

“Friends you said? So what about your daily chat? What about your flirts? Why were you making me fried rice? Why do you always stare and smile at me? Why were you asking me to go out with you? Why were you always accompany me without I am asking you? What about…what about…” she lost her voice.

But I heard the rest of the sentence waved in the middle of the air “…what about that guilty face you make, sleepyhead?”

and it torn me apart. I quietly moved behind her to see his face, and I realized something. He kept something.

“Did you…did you also do this to other girls? Did you care too much about them though you do not have feeling for them?” she asked bitterly.

He nodded. That stupid pig.

She buried her face again with her palms. This time, she cried. She cried for her wounded heart. It bled a lot. It hurt a lot.

I tried to comfort her but I knew I was not supposed to, because she wounded because of me. So I just stayed and waited there for the final moment.

“And I knew something, too. You are now approaching another girl, aren’t you?”

He had nothing to say. He nodded again.

I am disgusted.

“Leave” She said “Leave now”

“But… I don’t want to, you are crying”

I rolled my eyeballs. So what, you filthy animal! Why don’t you just hug her or say something good?

“Leave now!” she yelled.

He stayed.

“If you don’t have nothing to say and you don’t want to leave, I guess I am the one who leaves,” she left him.

And he stayed.

The rain fell lovely on the ground. The smell was changing, it’s petrichor. The smell that is kept in our minds; his, hers, and mine.

***

“I knew you were there since the first time she sat next to me at the back of the class…” he mumbled. We are at his room, near the window.

“You grow stronger whenever she smiled and whenever we had a conversation”

“But you are the one who stops me to grow” I said

“I know…but I actually don’t want to” he said “Sorry I betrayed you”

“You think you can ease your guilt by talking to me?” I asked him annoyingly

“No,” he said “No, of course not, I just want to say sorry I ignored you”

“You are not sorry for letting me go when you had a chance to say the truth?” I pushed him again

“Sorry for that one, too” he said with no more fight.

He was looking outside the window. But he saw nothing. Nothing but the face of that girl.

“Why?” I asked

He closed his eyes and breath heavily “We are different”

There you said it, boy. Human is only human. A small matters like differences could stop me from growing. They don’t give me a chance to live. They killed me since I was still a womb. What a cruel world.

I wanted to tell him something about me and that girl. One night when finally I felt a triumph. One night when I smiled my brightest to her. One night before she knew that the boy was approaching another girl.

But I said nothing and I think I am going to stay for several months with him, slowly faded away, and see him again when he is ready to love someone new.

***

I remembered that night. When I was still buried deep in her heart.

She sat facing her laptop, seeing the photos of the boy. She grinned and felt a warm feeling in hear heart.

“You know what? I think I am in love with him”

Silence presented itself for a minute.

But then, suddenly something strange and warm filled me. It gave me strength, it filled me until I couldn’t feel my weight. She was the first who pulled me out of that mound of secrets and embraced me.

I felt my self flying to the starry skies and dancing with the moon.

Finally. Finally.

I yelled triumphantly and I laughed with relieve.

“Au revoir, hidden place! Now I am free!” I reclaimed my victory

She ran to looked out at the window. When she saw me, she giggled and greeted me “Hi again, Love”

We smiled.

END

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