“Not all men are rapists”
“Not all men are undermining women”
“Not all men ever harassing women”
We often find this typical reasoning when the ugly truths of our patriarchal society brought up to a discussion. Yes, not all men do those terrible things, there are (probably) some living men who really know how to respect a women. But the question is, how did men have come to such defensive statement when the truth tea is served? Why did men often try to protect themselves from the flaws of this society? If they did not do it, why is it so hard to say that ‘yes, there are men out there who did’? Why are they most likely defending their fellow male humans?
I have witnessed myself, some men really DID THIS. I am one of the victim of patriarchy. I was frightened even to tell people about my horrible experience, because I knew no one could protect me, because I knew this world was not a safe place for a woman to walk alone, because I knew I might only find embarrassment and shaming rather than protection.
I have found myself that men most likely DID COVER THEIR EARS from hearing the facts. Not because of lacking of education, (because I am not speaking about the men on the street BUT men on the college) but lacking of understanding.
And I am not saying that women do not rape, do not undermine men, do not conduct harassment. In the name of justice, WOMEN DID TOO. But why feminism is more concern on the harassment conducted by men? Because, for the millions times said, men more likely did this to their female counterparts (yes, look at the statistics). Why? Because men are benefited by the existed system of our society. How? It was constructed since thousand years ago and has rooted in each piece of our mind, men and women.
Do you familiar with marital rape? If not, I am trying to explain to you: it is the rape conducted when the rapist and the victim are married, or simply said it is the rape in marriage. What is the common response if a woman in our society complained about forced sex by her spouse? They are often told that it is normal, since the wife should SERVE their husband and SATISFY them. What about non-marital rape? Do you familiar with the questions such as ‘did the girl wear sexy clothes before she was raped?’ ‘did she walk alone at night?’ ‘did she drink beforehand?’ ‘did she take drugs beforehand?’ When one of the questions above answered with ‘yes’ then the common response was ‘that’s why she was raped’.
The examples above was only few of many other examples on how the women were becoming less and less of a human. Did you see the injustice there? Marital rape was NEVER OKAY, because it is still considered as A RAPE. Women has the right say NO to their spouse, women can say NO to everyone, and NO means NO. It is funny how people can say that ‘a wife should satisfy their husband’ because NO women do not have to satisfy anyone when they are forced and feel unhappy about it. Wife has the right as the husband, right? If you say no, you are invaded by the constructed patriarchy and you had just objectified women sexually.
Rape was NEVER OKAY and is NOT related with what the women WEAR and DO because it is NOT the OPEN INVITATION for men to RAPE. I believe that men has conscience, men can hold their urge to put a finger on other humans. And sadly we still hear the same questions asked over and over again to the rape victims. IT HAS TO STOP, the victims had enough of suffering, DO NOT BLAME them because the cause of a rape is always the RAPIST.
If you feel two reasoning above -on how our society did wrong- are ridiculous and only reasons for women to escape from the blaming, then you still have that constructed patriarchy concept in your brain, and indirectly saying that it’s okay for men to rape because it is men’s nature (IT’S NOT MEN NATURE WHATSOEVER). When you said ‘but, but, but’ while reading this post, then yes you are wholly or partly drown in such system.
You are not alone, there are a lot of those who reject the idea. And you might be women too, because it was not only men who comfortably stayed in this system. It is okay, as long as you learn and watch, you might find the truth yourself. And of course, it needs time.
Embrace the differences between men and women without lessening one’s right to be a complete human being. Accept the fact that our society needs to be changed. It is not only men who need to be changed, the whole society does. Admit one and another failures, forget and forgive yourself and others, and please have a dream for a better world.
Feminists are not meant to judge and hate men, we are opening up all minds to spot the failures and fix it. And believe me, ignorance is not your best friend and silence echoes nothing.