I was awake most of the nights,
finding myself gasping on the solid ceiling.
I heard the cold winter wind whirling outside the cell.
It sounds like crying out names from my memories.
Relatives, friends, people who’d been dissapointed in me.
They all were disappearing, like a mist on first day of spring.
I get used to this jail,
time to time it’s becoming my safe haven.
They said that it’s a bit crowded down here,
but I breathed freely.
They said it’s dark down here,
but it’s darker outside there.
I am a tamed animal, I couldn’t get back to the jungle.
The old way of hunting or being hunted out there, is slowly fading away.
I am well nourished here, even with cold food ransomes.
I found my own habitat, even while the guards handcuffing me rudely.
Sometimes I imagined what it’d be like coming back to my old house.
People on the villages would stare at me judgingly,
cursing me secretly in their hearts.
Strangers would see me like seeing an ugly man in the freakshow.
They would ask that one question constantly,
“why don’t you just burried back on that rotten jail?”
It’s better for me to forget about them,
about how they’re shouting at me “Sinner! Sinner!”
Throwing bricks my way, gritting their teeth like a pack of lion thirsty for blood.
All being sickly glad it’s me and not them,
just because they sin differently.
I can’t even imagine what forgiveness would like to be.
I am so far away from that word,
it’s locked on a concrete chest and drowned down with Atlantis long ago.
Atlantis, of course.
Because I am not even sure that forgiveness is real.
Why should I bother asking for it?
Why should I bother crying myself to sleep, being sorry about my past?
Being inside these bars is a gift,
it’s like finding an oase in dry and stormy desert.
Dragged away and protected from cruelty of the world,
that is killing people more than my fellow villains could do.
I was awake most of nights.
Finding myself sweating cold after series of nightmares.
And I would be swarmed with relieves.
Knowing for sure that I’d forever staying inside this warm and toasty cage,
that I called home.